I can't believe it's been 11 months. 11 months without Aiden. 11 months full of more tears than I ever knew were possible.
How the hell did we get to almost a year without our son? Time is so crazy- it feels like my life stopped last November while everyone else's has moved on. But at the same time I feel like time had flown by- I mean a year without him seems to have gotten here so quickly. It's crazy.
I have so many thoughts in my head but I feel like I've said them all before. "Why isn't Aiden here?" "Why do I have to go through the rest of my life without him?" "Can I just rewind things and go back to when he was almost here- and change things?" I feel like a broken record just waiting for someone to fix me......if only this was fixable.
Yesterday I had the chance to attend a gorgeous memorial service for families who have lost precious little angels. I'll share more from that ceremony soon but I did want to share this picture now:
They created absolutely beautiful ornaments for all the families and I cried when I saw Aiden's. It's perfect and will always have a special place in our home.
I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this next month and I live in fear of November 2nd. I pray that God continues to hold us in his arms and that my Aiden will be remembered on his birthday.
We do have plans to donate Hope Boxes in memory of Aiden for his Birthday through our Aiden's Hope organization. The website is still a work in progress but you can check it out here to see what we're up to right now. I will be doing a post about that soon and how you can help if you are interested.
We are also asking everyone to remember him on his birthday- say a prayer, release a balloon, light a candle......anything that's on your heart. We just want him to feel loved and missed all the way up there in Heaven. If you do decide to do something for Aiden we'd love to see a picture :)
Right now what I have planned for his birthday is to donate his Hope Boxes and have small dinner with our family. We'll be baking a cake for Aiden and sending him some special balloons. It will be a quiet day- not sure I can handle too much more than that. Again your prayers are much appreciated.
I got the sweetest text last night from our friend John. You may remember me writing about how good he has been to us in this post. Last night he sent me a text to ask how the memorial service was that day. I told him about it and that we thought it was really beautiful. He went on to tell me that he had been thinking about all 3 of us as it got closer to Aiden's birthday and that he loved us. It is so wonderful to have someone acknowledge your child, your grief, your loss, and that child's importance in the world. I can't say thank you enough to John and the other wonderful friends that always keep us close to their hearts.
:::
Dear Aiden,
I miss you, I love you, I miss you more.
I wish you were here with us. I hope and pray that you hear me every day when I tell you I love you. I would give anything to see you, feel you, hold you again. Thank you for always being there for mommy and daddy and for looking out for your baby brother. I feel you with us always.
I don't know when the day will come where I'll get to see you again. But I'll be waiting, patiently, for that day- the day our family can be whole again.
As we get closer to your birthday I worry about how I'll handle things. I worry about whether I will make it through the day. One thing is for certain though. We will be remembering you! How could we not do everything possible to remember such a beautiful soul, such a precious life. You will be celebrated little man!
As long as I'm living I'll never forget to remember you.........
I love you baby boy, forever and always......
Love Mommy
I'd love to hear from you! 
