Small Miracles

This week I'm joining in with my friend Fran's Small Miracles Blog Hop which you can read all about here. The purpose of this Blog Hop is to celebrate Hope and share things that keep you going through this grief journey.

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Lately there are so many things that give me hope.....and that's pretty amazing.

Don't get me wrong- I still have my days where I miss Aiden so much that I could just lay on the floor of my closet the.whole.day.

But there have been more days of being ok.

I think some of my non-BLM friends have a hard time accepting the response "I'm ok" when they ask how I'm doing. I think they are *hoping* I will say "Oh I'm doing good!" instead. But me being able to say "I'm ok" is a pretty huge deal. I mean for a long time I never thought I (or anything else) would ever be "ok" again. Being ok gives me hope.

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"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

~Psalm 139:13-16

My sons give me hope. Aiden and Baby Jack (short for Baby Jackson). They are my inspiration and often what keep me going each day. I am always so grateful when I realize how much God has blessed me with my boys. Their little signs and reassurances help me to be "ok" a lot more often. I love you Aiden and Baby Jack.

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Nygel gives me hope. I can't say enough what an amazing husband I have. I think I really might have crumbled and disappeared into nothing in the last 10.5 months had it not been for the man that God placed by my side. He makes me laugh when I don't want to. He talks about Aiden with a smile in his eyes {love that} and remembers every.single.moment that he was here with us. He never makes me feel like there is anything wrong with me for bursting into tears in the doctor's office- yes this still happens. His strength gives me hope and I am so glad that I have him to lean on through all the trials life sends us.

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Via

Rainbows give me hope. I have been so fortunate in the last few months.weeks.days to learn about so many beautiful rainbow babies. And I had the chance to share with you all my little rainbow. They are definitely all small miracles! I am keeping all these mamas and their little ones in my prayers.

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What gives you hope today? Link up with the Small Miracles Blog Hop and share your hope!

And don't forget to share your Happy List in the Happy List Saturdays Blog Hop which can be found here! It will be open until Monday so it's not too late to share what's been making you happy lately!

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Small Miracles Blog Hop #3

It's April 19th and time again for Franchesca's Small Miracles blog hop.  If you haven't participated in this blog hop before please take a moment to read about it here.  This is a time for us to celebrate the things that give us hope while on this heartbreaking journey.  This month I want to start with a bible verse that stuck with me after the Haven of Hope retreat......

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

~Isaiah 40:31

I love this verse....it gives me so much hope and makes me believe that my hope will bring me closer to God's plan for my life.  I love the thought of soaring on wings like eagles.....what an amazing thought. No matter what we are going through, no matter how hard, we will be able to keep going as long as we hope in the Lord.

Via

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul
and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all.
~Emily Dickinson

I love this quote! It gives me such a great image of hope resting in my heart and soul and pushing me forward each day. A sweet little bird singing a melody that helps me put one foot in front of the other. Lovelove love the thought of that.

Another verse that gives me hope is this one:

I will turn their mourning into gladness; 

I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

~Jeremiah 31:13

He will give us comfort and joy in the midst of all our sorrow.  He will bring us out of the darkness and into the delight.....all we have to do is have faith.

Finally the thing that gives me the most hope is my husband.....yep my Nygel :)  Nygel is my everything and somehow through the loss of our son, our Aiden, we've grown together again. We were already best friends and now our love is even deeper and stronger.  I love him....and I love the hope that we have for our future! Thank you Nygel for being my hope :)

Please join in with the bog hop and share what brings you hope.  Sending lots of love and peace.......

Small Miracles Blog Hop #2

"The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler

than the road built in despair,
even though they both lead to the same destination. "
~Marian Zimmer Bradley

It's time for this month's Small Miracles blog hop. I so need to have hope right now which makes this blog hop perfect for today.  The quote above is so true and relevant to where I am right now in my life.  No matter what, my path in life is going to lead to the same end.  I can either have hope and travel a little more pleasantly or give up hope and be miserable the rest of my life.  I know that I want to choose hope.  I need hope.  I got my small miracle (hope) this week while I was working :)

Earlier this week I was talking to one of our doctors (Dr. M) about a patient and when we were done she said this to me, "When I talked to Dr. X earlier and he told me you were working on this patient I thought to myself, my Natasha!" Now Dr. M is a sweetheart.....and a great doctor. Every year I do a clinic at her church and give lots of flu shots to raise money for her mission trip. (I'm pretty good at giving shots but I hate getting them!!!) She came to Aiden's memorial with tears in her eyes.  I love her.

At this point in the day we were both at work very late and it had been a long day.  She proceeded to tell me that she had been praying for me and our family.  That I had a very special angel looking out for me every day now.  That she told her priest about Aiden and he was praying for us too.  She also told me that she had been through something very difficult in her life as well recently. And then she said this, "God has given you this cross to bear for a reason.....it will make you an even stronger and more beautiful person than you already are."

I needed to hear that.  At that moment I needed something to push me forward to hope.  And there it was....on the phone....2 hours after I should have been gone from work....in the middle of so much work stuff....a little hope.  Hope that even though I have this awful burden to bear, life can still be an enjoyable thing....that I can still live.

Finally she told me that I have never been alone in all of this....everyone that cares about me has been right here with me grieving too and praying for me.  Thank you Dr. M for giving me some hope this week......

"Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul 

and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all."

~Emily Dickinson

Hope....

So the amazing Franchesca has come up with another fabulous idea for us baby loss mamas. The Small Miracles Blog Hop is her newest creation and I think it's just great! Every month on the 19th mamas from all over will blog about things that keep them going through this grief journey....things that give them hope. I am excited to join in with this super strong group of ladies and this inspirational blog hop. 

"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." 

~George Iles

If you read my last post you know that I have struggled a lot this week with my grief. It can be so overwhelming sometimes and it seems to come out of no where just when you think you're doing ok. After my last post I can definitely use a little hope and I'd like to share some too. I thought I'd start with this quote:

"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent." 

~Jean Kerr

Like Fran I also believe in signs. Over the last few weeks the weather here has been just crazy! But almost every weekend when we are at home it's been so nice outside! I've been able to open the windows and have a cool breeze come through. I've talked about this before on here but the warm sun and cool breeze always take my mind straight to Aiden. It's like he's sending me a sign that everything is going to be ok....he's giving me hope.

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible."

~Anonymous

Here's a list of things that give me hope right now. As the months go on I truly hope my list will get longer :)

1. Knowing that I am a mother and I'll have the chance to be a mother again

2. Dancing with Aiden in my dreams

3. My husband- he always knows just what to say

4. Sunlight and Cool Breezes

5. The strength of other Baby Loss Mamas- so inspiring :)

"Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier."

~Anonymous

♥ I hope you all have a peaceful day ♥