But I still feel pain from what should have been. I feel sadness when I think of who I expected myself to be right now and the loss of who I was. I feel hurt when I remember the life that Nygel and I dreamed of for ourselves. The plans we made that have been forever changed.
Forever.
I miss this space. My space. Our space. Me and Aiden. The place where I can come to talk about him and get out all the emotions bottled up inside me. Where I can share him freely. There's so much on my heart lately. So many overwhelming thoughts and feelings.
November 2nd is so close. Closer and closer every day........
It's unreal.
Usually I reserve the word "meltdown" for Mason. He can go from happy to majorly upset in a matter of seconds. Playing with his toys and running around joyfully turns into crocodile tears and outstretched arms that only want mama 2.5 seconds later. I am always amazed at how fast his mood can change.....peaceful to meltdown.
And then I realized just how much Mase and I have in common when it comes to meltdowns. Because mine come on in a matter of seconds also. I'm happy and calm one minute and then moments later I'm a crying mess.
My own personal meltdowns.
I've been having a few lately. Meltdowns over how close his second birthday is to being here. Over how much I wish I could be doing for him every day. Over how incredibly unfair it is that my first born son is not here with us. Over how badly I miss him. So much. All.the.time.
Meltdowns for days.
I think his birthday this year will be quiet again. Just our little family. I hope and pray that he can feel how much we love and miss him. Always.
And I try to remember that each day that goes by brings me a little closer to him again.
I love you Aiden. Always.
I'd love to hear from you! 
