Haven of Hope Retreat

Every year I post about an amazing retreat held here in Texas for mothers who have experienced the loss of a child. You can see my post about the first retreat here and my post from last year here.

The third annual retreat is coming up and I hope that if you are in the area (or even if you are not) you'll consider attending. The retreat has been such a blessing to my heart and I have so many dear friends who I met there. This year it is being help March 8th-10th in Round Top, Texas. You can register from now until March 1st.  Here is the retreat flyer:

For more information on the retreat you can visit the Haven of Hope website. Susan, Marsha, and Daisy started Haven of Hope with so much love and it shows in everything they do for us mamas. If you are planning on coming to the retreat definitely let me know!

I'll leave you with their words regarding the retreat:

Haven of Hope is a non-profit ministry dedicated to walking alongside other mothers that have also suffered the loss of a child, pointing them to our HOPE in Jesus Christ.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

-II Corinthians 1:3-4

You are not alone.

It's Been A While....

My house is quiet this morning, a rare thing at 6:30 am. Usually Mason is up watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in between running circles around the dog and cats while throwing toys left and right. Usually I'm rushing to get ready for work and sneaking in hugs and kisses in between brushing my teeth and combing my hair. Usually I'm trying to feed Cam and make sure she goes out to potty while keeping Mason from running outside with her. Morning are really hectic.

But not this morning. This morning my house is quiet. My boys are sleeping and it's just me with my thoughts.

When I'm alone and it's quiet my thoughts always go to my sweet Aiden. My thoughts go to him all the time but when it's quiet I can't help but wonder what it would be like if he were here with us. I wonder if it would really be quiet right now? Or would my 2 year old be up with me. Sharing hugs and kisses and snuggles. I would give anything for those hugs and kisses. And the snuggles.......

I haven't posted since November 6th so it's definitely been a while. After Aiden's birthday I didn't have a lot to say. My thoughts were just of him constantly....of what could have been. My friend Keelen says that when it's our baby's birthday the whole month belongs to them. And I feel that way too. November is Aiden's. He was due on Thanksgiving Day and born on November 2nd. So yeah pretty much the whole month is his. And Thanksgiving (and every other holiday) will never be the same. The holidays are just hard period. Mason helps so much to give us joy during the hardest time. But not matter what it's still hard.

I'm feeling sad this morning. Yesterday I was pretty grumpy and cranky. I guess moods swings never go away. But this morning sad is definitely the overwhelming feeling. Sad for myself. Sad for some of my BLM friends who are also having a hard time.

I think so often of the last moments I had with Aiden. I wish I could hold him one more time. Smell him and feel his weight in my arms. I picture Nygel singing to him by the window in our room. It breaks my heart that I could only see it that one time. It wasn't enough. It will never be enough. I'm just sad. Heartbreakingly sad.......

I am destined for a life where my happiness and grief are intertwined forever.

I miss my son.