Happy Birthday Sweet Savanna!

I'd like to ask everyone to say a special prayer today for my friend Tabatha who is mommy to Savanna. Today is Savanna's first birthday and she's celebrating it in heaven.  Please visit her blog and send her some love when you have time. She's also asking people to release a balloon in honor of Savanna today so if you can take a picture of it and send it to Tabatha and her family!

I found this little ladybug on my patio last weekend and it was just so cute!  I immediately thought of little Miss Savanna and her upcoming birthday.  So I snapped a bunch of pictures and got a great one that I made into this lovely card for Savanna......I hope you like it Tabatha.  I know Aiden is at Savanna's birthday party in heaven along with a lot of other special angel babies.....that makes me smile :)

Nygel and I are going to do a special balloon release for her and I'll post pictures soon!

Thinking of you and Savanna today with love..........

Happy List Saturdays #3

Time for this week's Happy List Saturdays- can't believe we've made it to the end of another week!  If you've never participated in the blog hop check out this post or this one to see what it's all about.  This is your chance to share what makes you happy each week.  The plan is to help us remember the good and happy things in our life despite the difficult cross we've been given to bear.

♥♥♥ I think I'm going with the hearts again..........love them!!!  ♥♥♥

♥ Took my mom to get a mani/pedi!!! She felt soooo special I could tell :)  Here she is showing off her fingers and toes!

♥ Registered for the Haven of Hope retreat in April and I'm soooo excited!  Although I know I'll probably cry the whole weekend I know I need to continue to heal and get everything out. AND I get to have my good friend Valerie (Hailey's mom) as my roomie!  Yay!

♥ Traveling!!!  I love to travel!!!!  Right now I'm visiting somewhere I've never been before :)  Pics to come soon!

♥ Seafood :) Love, love, love seafood!  I had the most delicious crab cake and fish yesterday!

♥ Blocks of Love- my first project for Aiden is under way!  Please check out our blog and Facebook page when you have a moment.  I'd love to have you as a follower on both!

♥ Flowers!!! In my garden and everywhere!!  Here's some pics from the garden we're working on for Aiden

And this one is so special to me....it's Aiden's first flower in the garden and it's blooming again!!! Yay!  You can see the original in my blog header!

AND I just got a knock on my hotel room door and look what it was!!!

The pictures aren't that great (I'm working with my iPhone here-lol!) but can you see the pine cones and pine needles in the bouquet??!!! How awesome is that!! And they smell sooooo fabulous- nice and flowery (not sure if that's a word but I like it!)These were sent by a sweet lady I'm working with who knows how much I love fresh flowers and wanted to send me a little smile- again I am always amazed and humbled by the kindness that others carry in their hearts.  That and my Aiden are what push me to do all that I do. And yes that's Cami in my background on the laptop :)

♥ Lemon Pound Cake!!! Yum!!

♥ Making it through another day.  Sometimes I'm so hard on myself for what I can't do and what I'm not happy with....but I've been through a lot in the last 5 months...and I'm still here....I'm making it. I think that counts for something :)

♥ Surprises....I love them!

♥ Talking on the phone- I don't do this as much since we lost Aiden but more and more lately I've been talking to people I love on the phone again.  I forgot how much I like it :)

♥ Reading- I haven't had the chance to read a lot lately but I got a Nook for Christmas which I love so I dusted it off for the plane ride. I almost got through this book on the plane (I slept the rest of the time- imagine that- sleep!)

Via

I love to read and this is an excellent book.  If you haven't read it yet check it out- I think it will bring comfort to anyone that has lost someone they love.

♥ Hugs...hugs are just so awesome.  They make you feel so loved!

♥ Catching up with people you haven't seen in awhile

♥ Bringing value to my profession.  Many times over the last 5 months I have just wanted to give up.  How can I go on after this? How is this my life? How can I ever care about anything else? But when I connect with other pharmacists and leaders in our profession I remember why I do what I do.  

I love patients.  

It's as simple as that.  When I talk to a patient on the phone that says our clinic has helped them more than anything else I remember that I do this because I live and breathe caring for others.  In the middle of all my sorrow I forgot that I'm good at this. Sometimes I think I need to remind myself that I am still good at things and still bring value to this world even though I don't always feel that way- it goes back to the whole being too hard on myself thing. 

♥ OMG these flowers smell so good!!!

♥ Cami after weeks and weeks of much deliberation and indecisiveness FINALLY got in the water at the Dog Park!!!  Woohoo!!!!

And then she went to sleep- worn out with all that contemplation!!!

♥ Nygel....I love this man.  Here he is drilling hole in the planter for my Hibiscus trees!!!

And then he and Cam hung out on the couch and watched basketball

Love the OU t-shirt!!!!

♥ Aiden's Hope- this project brings me so much joy.  I can't wait to share more with you guys!

♥ Planning a special Mother's Day Brunch for my Face2Face gals!  Yay for potlucks!!!!

♥ Love- I love love!  It makes me so happy to see love given and shared!

♥ Got this lovely tribute to Aiden in my e-mail tonight from Mary at Micah's Gift who does this in honor of her little angel Micah.  Thank you so much Mary!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

So that's my list for this week.  I can't wait to see what has made you all happy over the last 7 days!  Don't forget to add your blog to the Linky below!!!  Have a fabulous and happy weekend everyone!

Blocks of Love

So this morning has been bittersweet for me.  I'm so very excited that I am starting up the first of our Aiden's Hope projects and sad at the same time because I'm missing my baby boy. Sometimes I really do sit back and say is this my life?  But I want to share with you all one of the many things I've been working on these last few weeks.

Blocks of Love is the first project I'm rolling out under the Aiden's Hope umbrella.  Aiden's Hope is the organization Nygel and I have created to honor our son.  We hope to provide support to families grieving the loss of their children.  Please stay tuned to this blog for updates on Aiden's Hope- the website will be up and running soon.  You can read the Blocks of Love story here and sign up to have a picture of your little angel's name taken with our love blocks.  Please grab our button and share with anyone you know who might like to have a picture of their little one's name.

I could definitely use your prayers for this project as well as the Aiden's Hope project. Everything is still a work in progress so bear with me as I work on this.  More good things to come!

Small Miracles Blog Hop #2

"The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler

than the road built in despair,
even though they both lead to the same destination. "
~Marian Zimmer Bradley

It's time for this month's Small Miracles blog hop. I so need to have hope right now which makes this blog hop perfect for today.  The quote above is so true and relevant to where I am right now in my life.  No matter what, my path in life is going to lead to the same end.  I can either have hope and travel a little more pleasantly or give up hope and be miserable the rest of my life.  I know that I want to choose hope.  I need hope.  I got my small miracle (hope) this week while I was working :)

Earlier this week I was talking to one of our doctors (Dr. M) about a patient and when we were done she said this to me, "When I talked to Dr. X earlier and he told me you were working on this patient I thought to myself, my Natasha!" Now Dr. M is a sweetheart.....and a great doctor. Every year I do a clinic at her church and give lots of flu shots to raise money for her mission trip. (I'm pretty good at giving shots but I hate getting them!!!) She came to Aiden's memorial with tears in her eyes.  I love her.

At this point in the day we were both at work very late and it had been a long day.  She proceeded to tell me that she had been praying for me and our family.  That I had a very special angel looking out for me every day now.  That she told her priest about Aiden and he was praying for us too.  She also told me that she had been through something very difficult in her life as well recently. And then she said this, "God has given you this cross to bear for a reason.....it will make you an even stronger and more beautiful person than you already are."

I needed to hear that.  At that moment I needed something to push me forward to hope.  And there it was....on the phone....2 hours after I should have been gone from work....in the middle of so much work stuff....a little hope.  Hope that even though I have this awful burden to bear, life can still be an enjoyable thing....that I can still live.

Finally she told me that I have never been alone in all of this....everyone that cares about me has been right here with me grieving too and praying for me.  Thank you Dr. M for giving me some hope this week......

"Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul 

and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all."

~Emily Dickinson

Happy List Saturdays #2

Saturday is here again....yay!  It's time for our Happy List Saturdays Blog Hop.  If you didn't get a chance to participate in the blog hop last week you can check out this post or this one to see what it's all about.  Basically this is our chance to share with each other what has made us happy this week.  My hope is that this blog hop will give us a chance to remember the good and happy things in our life despite all we have been through.

I think this week I need some hearts..........♥♥♥


♥ My mom is here!!!! Yay!!!! She got here Thursday and she'll be here for 2 weeks.  This means 1) yummy food 2) my house will see no dust, dirty dishes, or unclean clothes for 2 weeks- lol 3) Yummy food 4) Friends will be over for yummy food :)  I already have 3 people planning to come over this weekend 5) I get to work on my garden and make it fabulous!!!!  My mom doesn't just have a green thumb but all green fingers and toes!!! 6) Did I mention yummy, fabulous, delicious, Trinidadian cooking for 2 weeks!!!  Pigeon Peas and Rice, Stewed Chicken, Oxtails, Callaloo, Macaroni Pie, Curried Chicken, Potatoes, and Channa, Phulorie, Mince Meat Pies, Curried Crab and Dumplings, Curried Pumpkin, Saltfish and Bake, OMG I could go on forever!!! I clearly plan to make the most of my mom being here.  I'll be eating for the next two weeks if you need me :)  For those of you who have never tried food from Trinidad you MUST!  I know I'm biased because I was born there but it really is  sooooooooo good :)

Via

♥ We got the sweetest card from our L & D nurses yesterday.  I really don't think we could have been blessed with better nurses that day.  They laughed with us, prayed with us, cried with us, gave me popsicles, and did every thing under the sun to make us comfortable.  They encouraged me to get the NILMDTS pictures of Aiden which I treasure dearly. Such great nurses! They just wanted us to know they were still thinking of us and Aiden.  It seriously made my day! ♥Christy & Laura♥

♥ Got these fabulous sculptures in the mail 2 days ago from Antonia at The Midnight Orange. Her sculptures are just amazing- she does lots of work for families of angels. Please check out her Etsy shop if you haven't seen it yet and get yourself one of these beautiful works of art! And she just happens to be a super sweet person with my Granny's name :) AND her daughter has my name!!!  I don't think it was by chance I met this lovely lady! There goes my Aiden again! Always looking out for his mama :)

Oh and guess what the angel baby is holding?  Yep you guessed it!!!!  A dragonfly!!! Love this!

♥ Cami Cam!!!! Of course I had to get my weekly picture of Cam in- lol!  I think I'm getting pretty good with this camera!  Any ideas for photography business name?????

♥ Comfy PJ's- I have some on right now!

♥ Cheese sticks from Pizza Hut- love these with lots of marinara sauce!!!  Guess what we had for dinner????

♥ Fresh sheets on the bed

♥ My new vacuum cleaner- can't wait to bust out the Rainbow tomorrow!!!

♥ Hot Apple Cider.....mmmmmmm

♥ Aiden's projects- working on stuff for him makes me soooo very happy.

♥ Target- love this store! Can't wait to go tomorrow!

Via

♥ Baking- this weekend's menu includes Nighty Night Cookies and Lemony Pound Cake :)

♥ Going hunting for dragonflies this weekend- can't wait to find some for the house and yard!

Via

So that's my list for the week.....hope it brought a smile to your face.   Please join us for the Happy List Saturdays party!!!

Fear and Worry.....

Via

I have always been a worrier.  I worry about stuff that will happen later today and stuff that will happen 30 years from now.  That's just me......I get it from my mom......what can I say?  Since we lost Aiden I worry often about losing people.  I've learned how fragile life really is.....you just never know

This past weekend Nygel went home to Arkansas for a funeral.  His great uncle passed away. Uncle Lawrence was 98 and just stopped driving last year!!  What an amazing man!! Rest in love Uncle Lawrence.

Originally we planned to go home together.  But then we started looking at the $450 plane tickets. And we realized that Cam couldn't be left alone for the time we needed to be gone if we were going to drive because she just got placed on a steroid that makes her pee all the time!  Yes my dog is like a little person...it's crazy.  So we decided I would stay home with her and Nygel would make the drive home alone for the funeral.  Not the ideal situation but we had to make do.

The weekend came and went and I did ok by myself here with Miss Cam.  Even after 3 days I didn't freak out like I usually do. I've watched way too many Lifetime movies and I'm convinced if I'm not careful someone might try to steal me one day when he's gone.  Yes I know a little crazy but hey, I told you I'm a worrier.

When Nygel was about 2 hours from Houston we talked and he told me he was stopping for gas.  I began to cook dinner- I wanted to make him something special because I hadn't seen him since Friday.  I baked a ham, made homemade mac and cheese, baked an apple pie, and was working on some fresh sauteed squash.  I had opened all the windows in the house so the there was a nice fresh breeze when he got home.  There was also lots of light coming into the house from the open blinds.  Cami was laying on the floor by my feet watching me cook.

All of a sudden Cam jumped up and started barking like crazy. The sunlight went away and the house got dark.  The wind started blowing like crazy and the blinds were making so much noise.  I stopped because since Aiden passed I definitely believe in signs.  All of these signs made me nervous.  I waited a little while to see if Nygel would call me back but he didn't....so I called him over and over again with no answer.  I sent him a text to call me.....no answer. I tried to keep making the squash but I was freaking out.....where is my husband??????  Why isn't he answering the phone????

Finally Nygel called me about 30 minutes later.  His phone was acting crazy and he didn't get the calls but he was fine.  I told him what happened and then.....I lost it. I threw myself down on the bed and sobbed on the phone with my husband. All I could think of before he called was that something happened to him. What if he was gone to be with Aiden and I was here all by myself?  How would I survive that???  I could not stop the tears from falling.

Nygel actually made it home about 15 minutes later- he was closer than what he let on because he wanted to surprise me.  I can't tell you how good it felt to hug him when he walked in the door. I felt such......relief.

This fear thing sucks.  I can admit that I've always been a worrier but what I have now is fear. Fear that people I love may not make it home safely. Fear that everyone is going to leave me here by myself. Fear that I just can't explain or control.

I hope that one day I can be less fearful....that I won't worry every time someone is not with me. That I can stop worrying the next pregnancy will end in heartache as well.  That I can put out of my mind the idea that I won't ever be blessed with a baby here on earth.  I'm trying.  But every once in a while something happens that reminds me that my fear is most definitely real and for now it's not going anywhere.......

Rows For Remembrance

I wanted to take a moment to share with you all the amazing ministry that Shaina has started. Rows for Remembrance was created to help families who have suffered a pregnancy loss remember their little angels. Here is a description of the ministry from the blog site:

"Rows for Remembrance was created to minister to mothers and fathers who are sometimes forgotten in traditional ministry. Some parents never hold a baby in their arms, but forever hold them in their hearts. This ministry is designed to bring them a way of remembering their little ones, no matter how short the time they were carried with them.

Rows for Remembrance strives to bring hope to families who feel like their world is crashing around them. We also strive to provide a lasting memory as a comfort to the families we call our Angel Families."

I was so touched when Shania reached out to me last month and asked if this ministry could create a blanket for Aiden. I am always in awe of how amazing this baby loss community is.....so much love from those who share your pain.  I am so grateful that she found me and offered to provide us with this loving gift.  

Each blanket has rows that represent the weeks each little angel lived. The blankets start out with 20 rows each and then an additional row is added for every week that the baby was carried.  Aiden's blanket will have 56 rows for the 36 weeks he was with us. Each of the 36 rows will be knitted so they stand out from the other 20 rows on the blanket to signify the 36 weeks of his sweet life.

If you would like to help with this ministry please visit the Rows For Remembrance blog and check out the how to help page.  She needs a variety of things including: people who can knit, yarn, stationary, and prayers. Take a moment to stop by and see what you can do to help.  You can also apply to receive a blanket for yourself or someone you know that has experienced a pregnancy loss.  Also please pray for Shania and all the other hands that are working so hard on these special sweet blankets.

I can't say THANK YOU enough to this fabulous mama and her wonderful new ministry!!!!

Happy List Saturdays #1

I'm so excited because today is the first Happy List Saturday!  I hope you have a chance to write a Happy List for yourself today.  If you haven't heard about the Happy List yet check out this post.  Here's my list for this week.

1. Practicing with my new camera.  I'm loving this whole photography thing!!!  Here are some of my favorite pics from this week (and there are more throughout my list):

2. Sushi!!!!  I had some fabulous sushi with my friend Monica and we decided to take some pics because our food was just soooooo beautiful!  Ok so the last pic isn't sushi but it was really yummy!!!

3. Things I've received in the last week to help me remember Aiden......thank you so much everyone!  It means so much to have these things :)  I love getting these little surprises!

4.  My Toms!!!  I wrote about them in this post when I was kinda sad.....so glad this week they made me happy!  They are just too darn cute!!!

5.  Face2Face Group Meeting.  REALLY enjoyed our first group meeting.  These ladies are seriously fabulous!!! Mary actually took this picture so I'm borrowing it from our Facebook page.

6.  Flowers!!! So glad Spring is here!!!!  I love flowers and I put them everywhere!!!These are all in my house or yard :)  Can't wait to plant more when my mom gets here next week for her visit.

7.  Cam- this dog is so cute.  She seriously makes me smile!  And she's Aiden's dog :) Check out the first pic and her crazy face!

8. Cookies!!!  I made these for my friend John's birthday this week and they were soooooo good!!!  Chocolate chips, Heath Bar pieces, Coconut, and Pecans- yum!!!  Nygel calls these Nighty Nights :)

9.  Zumba!!!! I never thought exercising would make my Happy List but Nygel got me Zumba for the Wii this week and I love it.  It's so much fun- we probably look crazy dancing around the living room but we're laughing the whole time.  Cam even jumps around with us!

10.  My hubby- I am so thankful every day that God blessed me with this amazing man.  I don't know where I would be without him.  He makes me smile even when I don't want too and knows what I need even before I do :)  Love him!  Here he is washing dishes as I take pictures- lol!!

I hope you all enjoy your Saturday and make some new memories this week to add to your Happy List next weekend!!!  Please join us today as we share some Happy. Grab the Happy List Saturdays button and add your post to the McLinky!!! I can't wait to read what has made you happy this week! Have a good one!