Sometimes it's just tough

Yesterday was rough.....I struggled a lot yesterday.  I cried in my closet before I left for work, I cried the WHOLE way into work, I cried in my car before I went in to the office, and I cried a little on the phone with Nygel before I got myself together.

I miss my son so much.  I feel like everyday I have to put on this brave face and be happy but that's not how I always feel.  I feel like the world is still going on and I'm stuck in time.  I miss my son.....

It's so hard to see pregnant people and babies everywhere- work, Facebook, Target (even at my favorite store I am bombarded with pregnancy and babies).  It's so hard to listen to people talk about how their babies keep them up at night with all their kicking- I just want to scream "Enjoy those kicks because I would give anything to feel my baby boy kicking again!" I am happy for everyone who has their blessings and miracles but it just serves as a constant reminder of what I don't have.....my Aiden.

I'm feeling ok this morning.....but I know that could change in an instant.  I know tomorrow will be harder....Aiden would have been 5 months old tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be 5 months since he went to heaven.  It's unbelivable.  How is my son gone?  How is this my life?

Yesterday when I was driving to work I think I zoned out for a while and imagined myself in a different life- one where Aiden was here, alive, happy, kicking, laughing, crying, looking cute like his daddy.  Oh what I would give to hear and see any of that.....but it's only real in my mind.  *Sigh*

Again I ask......How in the world is this my life?

Just really struggling right now.......