8 Months

Dear Aiden,

Happy 8 months little man! I hope that you have a super fun day today with all your angel friends. We'll be hanging out with family today but know that you are in my thoughts throughout everything I do.

Today is hard but I think the hardest part is that I'm feeling further and further away from you. Time just keeps passing and I want to scream at it to stop!!! I don't cry every day anymore. I don't break down in public places or lose it when I see a baby. I don't have to fight the urge that tells me to stay in bed all day in a ball.

I don't want to be further away from you but I know this gradual healing- this being ok- is something I have to do. It doesn't take me away from you. Nope you're always with me. It just takes me closer to the person I have to be until I can see you again.

And although I feel ok today I know that tomorrow I could relapse back into utter despair. And I know that's ok. That's what grief is. And I will allow myself to feel whatever I need to to grieve for you baby.

Know that I love you always and forever. You will always be with me. I carry you in my heart. For my whole life- and the after life- you will be my Aiden William,

I love you baby boy......forever and ever you are my precious precious angel.

Love,

Mommy

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