Happy List Saturdays #6

It's that time again! I am so glad that we've made it to another Saturday! I've missed you all and I can't wait to read what has made you happy this week!!!! So here's my list for the week :)

♥ The March of Dimes Walk for Babies- OMG I just have to say a super HUGE thank you to all the amazing people who have donated to my Walk for Babies in honor of Aiden!  When I decided to do the walk a few weeks ago I set my goal at $500.  I told Nygel I knew there was no way I could raise that much money by May 1st but I wanted to try anyway.  By the end of the first day I had $490 and 5 people on my team!!!!!  My friend John (who is also walking on the team) told me "Ummm I think you need to raise your goal- you're clearly gonna get $500)"

WOW!!!!  I am so humbled by everyone who has donated to the cause.  I hope that our walk helps a lot of families not have to experience the pain of losing a child.  If you'd like to check out my page, donate, or join my team click here!

♥ Cami Cam- We missed her soooo much while we were gone and I am amazed sometimes at how attached I am to her.  Some of you may remember that I didn't really want to get a puppy when Nygel did.  But this dog has given me some things that I never expected to have again after losing Aiden.....laughter, joy, fun times.  Thank you Cami for always making me smile and being on my Happy List every week!  Here are some pics from this week:

On a walk around the neighborhood

Big girl yawn!

Serious face!

Giving me kisses :)

♥ Making people smile :)  I love this and get so much joy from the joy of others :)

♥ Chinese Food!!!  Yum!  Had some from my favorite place last night!

♥ Flowers!  I think this is on my list every week too!  Nygel loves Elephant Ears and my mom and I planted some for him in the yard.  The one by Aiden's garden is starting to peak out :)

And I just love this picture of some flowers in our neighborhood. I posted it on the Blocks of Love blog page as well!

♥ New pillows- just got some cute ones for the couches!

♥ Cute nail polish on my toes- I love summer!!!  OPI is my favorite brand of nail polish!  I love the cute cool names they give their nail polish colors! My absolute favorite OPI color ever???? Lincoln Park After Dark!!!  A very lovely dark purple shade :)  I have several bottles of this in my bathroom!

♥ My new devotional book- I love this book!!! It's so cute and fun and just a lovely devotional for busy women.  Hmmmmm......I think I may know some of those ladies! I definitely recommend it to anyone looking for a good way to take some time for yourself!

♥ Breakfast- ummmmm love breakfast and I'm ready to get some right now!!!  My favorite breakfast items- cheese eggs, bacon, hash browns, grits, and biscuits and gravy :)

♥ Carson- I feel like I don't talk about my Car-Car enough because Cami needs so much attention all the time- so spoiled :) But Carson is my little angel.  When I was pregnant he got up with me every single night when I couldn't sleep and kept me and Aiden company.  He knew Aiden just like we did :) He is the most friendly cat and he LOVES people!!  He loves to visit and make new friends.

I love this little cat!  I call him my monkey cat and he sleeps with me every night :)  I also make up songs with his name in them and sing to him all the time- this really cracks Nygel up!!  Love my little Car-Car!!!

His perch- hiding from Cami!

Look at that sweet face :)

♥ Getting my hair done by some one else!!!!  Love my Gabriel!  He is the best!

♥ Shopping- think I'm gonna do some soon!!!

♥ Working on projects!! Nygel and I have lots of time this weekend so we are going to be working of lots of nice little things :)

♥ BBQ & Grilling!!!  My absolute favorite thing about the summer time is GRILLING!!!  I love BBQ and I make some killer BBQ baked beans. We are going to get a new grill this weekend!! Yay! Can't wait to grill later today!  Here's a pic:

Isn't it cute?????  Can't wait to get this baby going!!!!  Ummmmmmmm.....hot dogs!!!!!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

So that's my list for this week!  I hope you enjoyed it!  I can't wait to read what has made you all happy this week!  Don't forget to add yourself to the Linky AND copy and paste the code to your post so others can link back to all the other Happy Lists!  The Linky will be open until Monday for those that need some extra time :)

*****UPDATE***** I've had a few people ask how to add the Linky to their post.   It's easy just follow these steps:
1. In the blog list at the bottom of this post there is a link that says "Get the code here.....".  Click this link :)
2. Copy the code from the Linky website
3. Go back to your post and click the tab that says "EDIT HTML"- normally we work in "COMPOSE" when we write blog posts.
4. At the very bottom of your post (while in the HTML tab) paste the code from the Linky website.
5. Publish your post
6. The Linky code should appear at the bottom of your post with all the entries in the blog hop listed.
7. Enjoy reading all the blogs!!!

And if you won a prize from me yesterday don't forget to send me an e-mail!!!  I'm going shopping for supplies tomorrow and I want to get yours too!!!

Sending you all peace and love.....

Catch Up Time!

Ok so I am WAAAAAAY overdue for a post!  Things have been so hectic and it feels like I've been running in 5 million directions!  Is there any way we can add some extra hours to the day????  Pretty please!!!!!

So this is a catch up post so I can get back on track with all my mamas. Please bear with me because this one is going to be a little long :) I still have to read all your Happy List posts from this past Saturday and I will be sure to comment on them all like I usually do- I promise!!!

First I want to tell you about Seattle.  It was a really really cool city!  We have decided we have to go back again when I'm not there for work.  I love my profession and I got some great pharmacy time in, connected with old and new friends, spent some time with the people from my school including the Dean, and learned a lot of new things about pharmacy. It was great! In my down time Nygel and I got to know Seattle. I loved walking around the city and exploring, Pike's Market, all the gorgeous flowers, and of course delicious yummy food!  Here are a few more pics from the trip:

Yummy veggies at the market!

Goose Eggs???  Just had to take a pic!

Ginger Ale and Root Beer- yum!

The first Starbucks ever!

Yummy chocolate goodies :)

Nice cool beverages!

This hammer was just awesome!

OMG I can't tell you how much I love Crab legs!!!

My dragonfly pin from H & M!  Love this!

Pear bread pudding!!!!  Fabulous!

I love love love these purple flowers!!!

Had to get a pic of my TOMS in Seattle :)

Me with a big grin!

Us at Pike's Market

See I told you- lots of fun!

After we got back from Seattle it was Aiden's 5 month Angelversary. This is part of the reason I'm so behind on everything.  It was rough for me dealing with this and when grief hits you all know there is no stopping it.  This month it really knocked me off my feet. I felt like sadness was hitting me over and over again like a ton of bricks.  It was horrible. Nygel and I decided to send Aiden some balloons that Saturday. I wanted to do this with my mom before she went home that morning but we couldn't get the balloons Friday night which made me pretty sad. Then I got a text from my sister Saturday afternoon that said "Always Remembered" with several pictures- here's one of them:

This made me soooooo very happy! My mom, sister, and niece sent balloons up to Aiden. Love them!

So Nygel and I got our 5 balloons- one for each of his precious 5 months in Heaven. I wrote on each of them special notes from me and his daddy. And then we went out to let them go. The wind was blowing like crazy and at first I didn't want to let them go......but we did. And here's what it looked like:

Nygel asked me "So where do you think the balloons go?" to which I replied "They go to Heaven of course!" He was like....ok Tash. Some of you may remember that when we were in the hospital with Aiden there was a very special moment where Nygel was holding him and singing a Bob Marley song to him- Three Little Birds. So that is officially their song. After we let the balloons go and Nygel asked me where they went we looked up into the sky for a long time watching the 5 little balloons make their way to our son with the special messages of love we wanted him to have.

You'll never guess what happened.........

Via

Three little birds flew in a line together over our house! I ran to Nygel and said "Babe did you see the birds!?!? Aiden heard you- he got the balloons!!!!  I told you they went to Heaven!!!!" Wow......thanks baby boy for letting mom and dad know you are always with us and you love us just as much as we love you.  I love you Aiden!

Next up is the Haven of Hope retreat this past weekend.  It was great! Great food, lots of fabulous new mommies that get how I feel on a daily basis, beautiful scenery, and lots of time to be open with my feelings. We were blessed with so much that weekend and I am thankful for the women that put the retreat together.  We had lots of time to talk about our little angels and were given some amazing gifts made with love.  This lovely blanket was made by Sharon at Heck of a Blanket in honor of her son Roy. We were all in tears by the time she finished her story and passed out the handmade blanket she made for each of us and our children. It was amazing!

Here are some pics from the rest of the weekend:

Welcome Basket

Dragonfly Story Cards

An alligator in the water!!  Yes there were lots of these!

Beautiful Scenery!

My Val!

New friends....just amazing women!

Fran and Mary working on their bracelets

Val's lovely Hailey Bracelet

All my jewelry (This one is for my Tiffany-lol!!)

Lovely Rose!

They even had Swiss Chard!!

We had to get a little play in the makeup time in- love TaNia's makeup kit!!!

I also finally got to meet the lovely Franchesca in person and she was just as fabulous as I expected her to be!  And of course she helped me with my Aiden bracelet!  Thanks Fran!!!!!!

Aiden also visited me in Cleveland, TX- gotta love that son of mine. The whole weekend dragonflies fluttered around me everywhere we walked.  It was amazing!  Like he was saying "Hey mommy- I love you!" I love you too baby boy!

The other great thing about the weekend is that I met a really amazing mom who has agreed to help me with my Aiden's Hope project because she's done something similar in her town. Thank you God for putting the people in my life that I need the most right now.  Thank you for helping me make this thing a reality.  I can't wait to share Aiden's Hope with you all!

Speaking of Aiden's Hope I also have to give an update on all my Aiden projects :)  This makes me smile so much.....I love doing work in my son's name! I swear some days it is the only thing that keeps me going.  And I know he's up with me on all my late nights and early mornings watching as I work on projects to help other families who are missing their special little angels.

So far I have gotten through about half the current Blocks of Love requests.  I am uploading them and posting to the website as quickly as possible- the first set should be available by tomorrow!!!!  I do apologize for the delay- this emotional roller coaster called grief really takes some of your days away when you least need it.  Instead of doing what you planned, you do your best to just stay above water.  I also plan to have the order form up for personalized block orders in a few days.  I've had several requests for custom blocks so I need to go ahead and get the form up.

We also have a logo for Aiden's Hope!!!!  Yay!  It is so fabulous and I can't wait to share it with you!  Working on the webpage now and I hope to have that up soon.  I can't tell you how near and dear this project is to my heart.  I know that it is what God wants me to do with my life right now.  It's what drives me to get up and go each day.....knowing that my baby boy is watching all the good work we're doing.

Nygel and I are also in the process of opening an online store!!!  Woohoo!!!  Lots of handmade goodies to come so please keep checking back!  Can't wait to share these awesome crafts with you!

Also if you know anyone interested in our Face2Face groups here in Houston.....both the Southwest and Northwest Houston groups will be meeting up on April 30th for a Mother's Day Brunch at 11 am.  We will be doing a potluck picnic and some Mother's Day crafts!  Yay!!! *Jumping up and down with excitement over doing Mother's Day crafts* Again- yay!!!!  So if you know anyone close to Houston that would like to join our group please ask them to e-mail me for information on our Mother's Day Brunch.  I hope to see a few of you there!

Finally the REALLY good stuff!!!!!!  I owe you guys a giveaway from the last Happy List Saturdays and there were 28 entries including the comments on liking our Blocks of Love Facebook and Blog pages.  If you know me then you know I could never give away just one thing!  SOOOOO since I'm making the prizes myself I decided to do 3!!!  Woo Hoo!!!!  Makes me feel good to give stuff away to mamas who deserve it!  I have to apologize for my Random Generators looking so crazy- I could not get them to copy and past properly!!!! Anyway......here we go........

First Prize- Handmade Personalized Blocks of Love

True Random Number GeneratorResult:9Powered by RANDOM.ORG

Our Little King!!!!!

Yay Jen (Ryan's mommy)!!!  Please contact me by e-mail (aidensmom112@gmail.com) so I can create your precious Ryan's blocks with the colors/themes that remind you of him :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Second Prize- Handmade Personalized Journal/Address Book

True Random 

Number Generator

Result:

5Powered by RANDOM.ORG

Hopping to a New Normal!!!!!

Yay Raquel (Jeremiah's mommy)!!!  Please contact me by e-mail (aidensmom112@gmail.com) so I can create your book.  I use one of mine as an address book to keep up with the names of all the fabulous mamas I've met on this grief journey and I just made one to use as my new journal :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Third Prize- Handmade Personalized Blocks of Love

True Random Number GeneratorResult:10Powered by RANDOM.ORG

Everything Ebach!!!!

Yay Molly (Hayes' mommy)!!!  Please contact me by e-mail (aidensmom112@gmail.com) so I can create your little Hayes' blocks with the colors/themes that remind you of him :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whew!!!!  So I think that's it for now....I'm all caught up!!!  I have got to make sure not to get this behind again because this post is ridiculously LONG!!!! Now I just have to visit all your blogs and see what you've been up to. I miss you all and I pray for your peace and strength every day. Your little angels are always on my mind and in my heart.......

xoxo

Happy List Saturdays #5

Hey Everyone!!!  This weekend I'll be attending the Haven of Hope Retreat so I'm going to post my Happy List on Sunday when I get home!  But not to worry!  I have still posted the McLinky here so you can join in for the week.  Can't wait to read your lists when I get home!!!!  

Have a peaceful weekend everyone!  For those of you going to the retreat I can't wait to see you there!

I Miss You

Dear Aiden,

Hello my love.....I miss you a lot this morning.  Daddy is sleeping and Cami is chewing on her frisbee and her toy box.  You really would have so much fun with her.  Your little puppy :) Carson and Chloe are sleeping too (Chloe is hiding from Cami- ha!)

So it's just mom this morning.  And I'm all alone with my thoughts of you.  Did I mention I miss you?  You are in my thoughts all the time....I know you know this.  I have so much to do today but I wanted to take this quiet moment with you.  Have fun playing on the beach today little man!

I love you my miracle angel baby....forever and ever.....

Love,

Mommy

It's a Party!

So after being upset yesterday I thought it was a perfect time to do my post for the Ultimate Blog Party 2011....what better way to cheer myself up than attend a party :)

If you've never heard of the UBP check out the information here.  It's hosted by Susan and Janice at 5 Minutes for Mom.

So why did I want to participate?

Because I'm a mom.  And I think it's important for other moms out there who have lost children to know that we have this amazing community filled with support and love.....in case they need it or know someone else who needs it.  So they can gain strength from reading my story and your stories.  Every baby loss mama I have encountered on this journey has given me strength to go on.....and I want other moms to know we are here for them too.

When I sent Susan an e-mail to ask in which category I should place my blog I sent her a link so she could see exactly what I blog about.  After she read it she e-mailed me back and this is part of what she said:

Dear Natasha,

I just left a long comment on a post on your blog... I'll copy and paste it at the bottom of this email.

You ARE a mom blogger. The bravest of ALL.

Please add your link to the Mom blogger category so that other moms will find your blog and share your story and your strength.

All the best,

Susan

Her comment was so sweet and so genuine......thank you so much Susan.  

So if you're visiting from the UBP 2011- thanks for stopping by!  I hope my story can help someone who needs it right now.

My name is Natasha and I'm a mommy to an angel.....Aiden William.  My perfect little man. Aiden was born and went to be with Jesus on November 2, 2010 after being with us for 36 weeks and 5 days.

I blog about the loss of my precious boy......my journey and my struggle to be something of a normal person again......  

I blog about my frustrations, my fears, my anger, my sadness, my pain.......

I blog about my joy, my love, my faith, my hope for the future.......

I blog about my good days, my bad days, my horrible/awful/can't take it any more days........

I blog about my amazing husband and the love we share.......

I blog about being Happy.......every Saturday I host a Happy List Saturdays blog hop.......I love reading what makes people happy each week.......

I blog about the unfairness of losing a child.....the despair in trying to come back from a loss......

I blog about friends I've lost and friends I gained........

I blog about how I will never be the same again after losing my son........

I blog so I can share my strength with other moms who need it.........

I blog so I can get support from other moms- baby loss mamas- who understand what I need......and love me through all my rough crazy days any way.........

I blog about Aiden....the most perfect little guy ever....sometimes I share letters I write to him......

This blog is my journal, my strength, my support........

I blog about my life without Aiden..........

Thanks again for stopping by.......if you ever need support drop by any time.....and feel free to e-mail me at aidensmom112@gmail.com.

Why is My Heart Broken?

Via

Last night I had dinner with Mary and on my way into the restaurant I saw a very pregnant woman.  Now of course we all see pregnant women all the time- that's nothing unusual. Rough but not unusual.  But this particular pregnant lady made me do a double take.  Why did I look back you may be asking yourselves? You'll never believe it (or unfortunately maybe you will).......

She was smoking a cigarette.

Are you kidding me?????  Really????  You horrible person.....you have been blessed with this precious life and you put them at risk by smoking a cigarette????? 

It took everything in me not to scream at her.

I try so hard not to question God.  I know he has laid everything out the way it is supposed to be and I have to accept that.  And I do.  But when I see people who take such poor care of themselves and have no regard for the precious unborn life they are carrying I break a little more inside.  I'm not angry at God.  I just don't understand why......I know it's not for me to understand but it still tears me up inside.  If God would trust me with a little life again I would do every thing in my power to keep that baby safe- the same way I did with Aiden.  Why does he trust that lady and not me?  Why do I have a broken heart and when am I going to be okay again?

Again I find myself so super broken......and wondering why me, why us, why Aiden.........

Happy List Saturdays #4 and a Giveaway!

This Happy List Saturday is bittersweet for me because today marks 5 months since we lost Aiden.  Today he would have been 5 months old.  So I'm going to try to come up with a few things but please bear with me as today is a little tough.

1. Traveling- Just got back from Seattle with Nygel on Tuesday night :)  I was working but he was able to go with me and we managed to get lots of fun and food in.  Here are a few pics:

I'll do another post later with more details about Seattle....it really was a good trip and I can't wait to share it with you guys.

2. Jewelry Armor- My friend Tiffany (Juju's mommy) is doing a lovely giveaway on her blog this month. She posted about wearing an "armor" of jewelry when she goes out and it made me think about my armor of jewelry as well.  I shared it with Tiffany and I thought I'd share it here for you too.  

Nygel got me this ring for Valentine's Day from James Avery- it's Aiden's birthstone and I love that the band is textured and thick.  I wear it every day :)

Via

I got this bracelet on Wednesday and I love it :)  My mom and I were looking around one of my favorite little shops- Magpies- and I found this beautiful silver bangle. I haven't take it off since (ok well except to shower- lol) It makes me think of Aiden and God.......

Via

The verse on the outside reads "Remember I am with you always" and on the inside "Matthew 28:20."  I plan to have the inside engraved with Aiden's name as well.

3. New camera lenses- very excited about these because I'll be able to do so much more with my camera now.

4. Days off- I love days off and I had one today with my mom.  It was great!

5. Sleeping/Naps- I really do love to sleep and I usually take a nap on Saturday and Sunday- lol!  Today I was so emotionally exhausted that after Nygel left for work I posted about how much I was struggling and immediately fell asleep with the lap top still on my lap.  AND I slept until 12:30 pm- yes that's right- I slept half the day away. I completely wore myself out on Thursday that's for sure. But when I woke up I felt so relaxed and much better than before I went to sleep.  I think naps are just fabulous- wish I would have take more advantage when I was a kid.

6. Aiden's Butterfly- Another lovely baby loss mama Rachel posted this beautiful picture today on her blog.....thank you so much for doing this for us.  His butterfly is gorgeous!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Sorry my list is not very long this week.  Please join in and share your Happy for this week....I know seeing your lists will bring a smile to my face and I really need it today.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I decided two things would really make me happy today on Aiden's 5 month birthday.  First we are going to release some balloons for Aiden with my mom before she goes home today.  The thought of him getting messages from all three of us makes me smile. Nygel is out getting the balloons right now- love him :)

The second is a giveaway for one of the other Baby Loss Mamas that share this journey with me.  I honestly could not get through this without you guys.  Whenever I need anything you are all there supporting and sharing love.  Soooooo I haven't really planned out what the giveaway will be :)  That's what happens when you sleep for most of the day on your day off. BUT it will be good- I promise!!  I have started making a lot of handmade items in addition to our Blocks of Love and once I pick the winner I'll contact you to personalize a special gift for your little angel.

To enter it's simple- just join in our Happy List Saturdays Blog Hop. I need all the happy I can get this week so please add your list to the McLinky below.  I love, love, love reading your lists each week. Once you enter your blog/Happy List on the McLinky I will add you to the drawing :) See- so easy this week!

The Happy List Saturdays McLinky will be open until Sunday at Midnight so you have plenty of time to write your post.

If you'd like to get up to two more entries in the drawing you can follow our Blocks of Love blog page (1 extra entry) and follow our Blocks of Love page on Facebook (1 extra entry).  If you are already following one or both that counts too! Just leave me a comment if you decide to do the extra entries.

I will announce the giveaway winner next Saturday on my Happy List Saturdays post.

That's all I got this week.  I am going to take a nice long sleep...... a long, long, long sleep. I hope you all have a peaceful weekend :)

Sometimes it's just tough

Yesterday was rough.....I struggled a lot yesterday.  I cried in my closet before I left for work, I cried the WHOLE way into work, I cried in my car before I went in to the office, and I cried a little on the phone with Nygel before I got myself together.

I miss my son so much.  I feel like everyday I have to put on this brave face and be happy but that's not how I always feel.  I feel like the world is still going on and I'm stuck in time.  I miss my son.....

It's so hard to see pregnant people and babies everywhere- work, Facebook, Target (even at my favorite store I am bombarded with pregnancy and babies).  It's so hard to listen to people talk about how their babies keep them up at night with all their kicking- I just want to scream "Enjoy those kicks because I would give anything to feel my baby boy kicking again!" I am happy for everyone who has their blessings and miracles but it just serves as a constant reminder of what I don't have.....my Aiden.

I'm feeling ok this morning.....but I know that could change in an instant.  I know tomorrow will be harder....Aiden would have been 5 months old tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be 5 months since he went to heaven.  It's unbelivable.  How is my son gone?  How is this my life?

Yesterday when I was driving to work I think I zoned out for a while and imagined myself in a different life- one where Aiden was here, alive, happy, kicking, laughing, crying, looking cute like his daddy.  Oh what I would give to hear and see any of that.....but it's only real in my mind.  *Sigh*

Again I ask......How in the world is this my life?

Just really struggling right now.......