Memorial Day 2011. A day to remember those who have served our country bravely. I definitely am grateful for all of our military including my amazing brave cousin David who has served in Iraq and other areas over the last 5 years. Thank God for bringing him home safely. He is most definitely a hero in my eyes.
Today I also remember a special little man....Julius Luciano Torres. Today is Julius' 1st birthday and he's celebrating it in Heaven. Today I think of his beautiful little face- the pure joy and happiness in all his pictures. Such a gorgeous baby! Today I think of my friend Tiffany and what she and her husband D are feeling today......pain, sadness, anger that he is not here, but, joy, happiness, and love because he WAS here. I am keeping them so close to my heart today and I hope you all will as well. I made this collage for Juju today:
We're also going to do something special for him in just a bit which I will share soon. I know that God brought Tiffany into my life for a reason. I know that Aiden and Julius are good friends in Heaven. I know that today they are cutting up- running, jumping, opening gifts, eating cake, dancing, laughing, and all kinds of other good stuff. I know that our babies- and all your babies- are happy, and loved, and know nothing but joy. And that gives me peace.
Happy Birthday Juju! I love you and your mom and I hope you and my little man are having the most fabulous day today!
Of course today and everyday I remember my precious little man......my Aiden. I realized recently (after this post) that I would like to share more about Aiden. He was here.....he is a part of our family....a part of our lives forever. So I'm going to share more often special things about my little guy.
Today the memory I want to share is about Aiden's personality. After we lost him my sister Denise was talking about him one day and said, "He was here, we know him, we know his little personality!"
This is so so very true. And I love my sister for saying it- for acknowledging that he is a part of our family! We KNEW that little boy! His personality was so perfect.
Aiden had the best temperament. He LOVED to sleep- just like his mama. I could literally sleep all day if you let me. I can sleep anywhere, anytime. The only time I don't sleep is at work :) And Aiden was my son in that regards! He loved to sleep! He hated having ultrasounds because that meant he had to move from his comfortable position down low. He never moved from that spot and because of this I had some trouble moving around towards the end of the pregnancy. But I didn't care because my baby boy was comfortable. Whatever he wanted I would have given him the world.
He was such a quiet little guy, never caused me a lot of nausea or other pregnancy sickness. He was always still....listening, waiting, keeping me company. A perfect little companion.
Aiden was also good at keeping his mom on track. If 11:30 came and passed I would start getting soft little kicks like "Hey mommy, it's time for us to eat lunch!" What a great little helper! I just know he would have helped me so much around the house.
My baby boy LOVED his daddy's voice! OMG every night Nygel would talk to him in my tummy and that boy would go CRAZY! He would kick and move back and forth. He knew his daddy for sure! And it was so very obvious how much he loved Nygel. That makes my heart smile.
Today on Memorial Day I remember my Aiden and his perfect little personality. I just know he was going to be my calm, peaceful, responsible baby boy. He was and will always be perfectly perfect.
I love you my little Aiden.....forever and ever you will be my perfect little man!
Hey Everyone- I hope you are having a good Saturday and that you enjoy the nice long weekend. I have to admit I don't have a list yet this Saturday morning. And I'm not sure if I will.....it's just one of those weeks. But I don't want to hold you guys back so here's the Linky if you want to participate this week. As always the Linky will be open until Monday night so you have time to add your list. I will do my best to get mine up by then.
Do you guys ever have days where you feel like just giving up? I mean just throwing in the towel and saying....."I'm done."
Today I'm not in a particularly bad or sad mood. I'm just indifferent......just blah. Nothing happened- no triggers. I just feeling a little like nothing.
And I wondered to myself........what would people do if I just gave up?
What if I just really became that girl. You know her. The girl whose baby died. The girl who everyone tiptoes around and feels bad for. The girl that everyone has pity for but at the same time kinda avoids because they might catch the baby dying plague. The girl who's feelings people forget about when they are so excited to gush and coo about babies in front of her. The girl that NO ONE wants to be. Yeah that girl.....what if I just become true to what everyone thinks......what if I just become that girl? What if I just give up?
I mean I am those things right? I am the girl whose baby died, who no one wants to be, and who people avoid if they can.
People expect me to be normal now.....I mean come on right? It's been almost 7 months. Surely I'm not still grieving. Surely I'm over "it" right? No one (except close family and my BLM friends) even mentions anymore anything related to Aiden. No one asks how I'm doing. No one wants to bring it up for fear that I might actually want to talk about my son......how selfish of me right?
And it's easy for them to ignore because I am fairly put together each day. I do put on a good front- a front that everything is ok when it's not. A front that I don't want to cry when I really could shut my office door and ball my eyes out all day long if I truly allowed myself to think about Aiden as much as I want to. A front that makes people feel I'm the same old Natasha they used to eat lunch and laugh with. I've made them feel comfortable again.
But what about me?
So maybe I should just give up and become that girl. The crazy one right? The one that flips out and everyone avoids again. The one that everyone whispers about. Maybe I should just give up and quit the front. Maybe I should just scream at the top of my lungs "I AM NOT OK! But I'm trying the best I can to be and I hide my feelings so you won't be uncomfortable." Maybe I should quit worrying about everyone's feeling and just do whatever I want to do. Maybe......
I guess for today I'm not giving up yet.....but I have to admit sometimes giving up sounds so good.
I'm sitting on the patio this morning with Cami sharing some toast (actually she's just stealing it so I don't have a choice- lol!) and I wanted to share our newest project with you guys. Yep we have another one- lol! We're getting the Aiden's Hope page together and it will be ready for viewing soon! The lovely Franchesca is working her magic on it for us so you know it's gonna be fabulous!!! I am so excited about everything we're doing as we create this organization!
In the mean time I want to introduce our newest project called Peace, Love, and Dragonflies. *Skipping around my patio* Doesn't that name just make you smile?!?! I love it!
As you all know dragonflies are my thing with Aiden.....my reminder of my precious little man. So of course I had to create something to include dragonflies right?
Right now we are making available Dragonfly Story cards....you can read the Dragonfly Story here. These cards can be ordered as just one for yourself or in large sets for groups or memory boxes. They are really perfect for those of you creating memory boxes for families- such a great story to share with other grieving families. These cards do require a little work so we are asking for small donations to keep our supplies up. You can find a donation box on the blog page if you'd like to request one or more Dragonfly Story cards. The Dragonfly Story request form is also available here. Here's a pic of some of the cards:
Very very soon we will have Dragonfly Ornaments available for purchase as well! Woo hoo!!!! Can't wait to show you what we've been working on!!! You're gonna love them! These are also perfect for you to have just for yourself or to include in memory box donations to hospitals or groups.
So please grab our button and take a look around the site. We'll be making updates soon so stay tuned!!!
Wow Saturday came fast this week!!! I guess that's what happens when you try to cram a week of work for my real job into 3 days plus all the extra work I do when I get home....whew! But like my friend Fran says:
"But I like it this way. This is how I function.
This is how I learned to survive after losing Jenna- throw myself into my work which I love.
Now it’s a way of life."
This is definitely how I function now. I have learned to survive on less sleep.....to work in all the free time I have during the day (and night!).....I have an urgent drive to help other moms.....I know the work I have to do in my baby boy's name and I have to get it done not matter what.
So needless to say I have some pretty crazy hectic weeks- like this one. But I still want to take some time to stop and thank God for all the happy things in my life.....and there are still so many!
♥ Nygel- my husband is my everything and I'm so so very happy to have such a great partner!
♥ Miracles- they really do happen and I continue to believe in the miracles God has in store for all of us!
♥ My sister graduated last weekend!!! Yay! So excited for her and so proud of all she's done!
It was soooo cold in California that night but the graduation was great! Here's a few pics of the rest of us:
♥ Family Trips- I forgot how much I love family vacations until I got to take one this past week with my mom, dad, sister, niece, and my hubby!! After my sister's graduation last weekend we went to San Francisco to hang out. It was great!!! We also took the family for dinner at Hard Rock Cafe to celebrate Carissia's graduation- yummy! Here are a few pics:
Great pic right?!
LOVE Steel drums! So Trini!
Dancing to the steel drum music!
Yep- a lizard! She did good- I wouldn't even touch it!
Nygel and I with a view of San Fran in the background
It's me and the Golden Gate Bridge!
Kayla and her grandparents
Carissia and Nygel's drinks- Nygel's had a little more kick!
Yep it was so good she got ribs in her eye! Crazy girl!
Ummm Dessert!
They are so cool :)
I'll share some more pics of the time Nygel and I spent by ourselves in San Francisco soon!
♥ My Anniversary gift! Love this! I've been wanting one forever and my sweet husband got me one- the Modern gift for 4th wedding anniversaries is appliances and we always get a traditional or modern gift for each other every year. What did he get? Fruit- in the form of an Edible Arrangement with balloons!!!!
♥ Quiet weekends- like we plan to have this weekend :)
♥ Cami! Love her so much! We missed this little puppy while we were gone.
♥ Movie nights and Chinese food- LOVE!
♥ I nominated my friend Molly for Fran's new blog program and she WON!!! Yay! So happy for her! Love that girl! And love Fran for being so awesome!
♥ Iced tea....ummmm! Love the summer time and tea!
♥ Surprises! Love them and love sharing :)
So that's my list for this week. Lot's of family time which was great and much needed! I can't wait to read what has made your list this Saturday! Take care and have a great weekend!
Four years ago today I married the man of my dreams.....my best friend.....my love. The man that would stand by me through all the joy and sadness of life. I never knew that would include losing our son. I never realized just how much God would ask of us. I never realized how strong we could be-- together.
But I am so very thankful and feel so very blessed that God gave me the perfect person to walk this life with me. Nygel is my everything. He is so loving, so smart, so funny, such a good person.....he makes me be a better person. His family is everything to him- and that makes me love him even more. He loves me just the way I am no matter how crazy I may act some days! His love is unconditional.
I know that because of him I will be able to keep doing everything God needs me to do until the day I get to see Aiden again. I am so proud that my son has such an amazing dad.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
~1 Corinthians 13:13
On this special day I have to tell you- I am more in love today than ever before. I love you baby! Forever and ever- you are the love of my life!!
Wow can't believe we've made it to the 10th Happy List Saturday!! I so love doing this with you guys! So much that I'm blogging from the plane right now- I feel so cool :)
When I travel I take lots of comforts from home with me- Aiden's blanket, my Nook, lots of lip gloss (OMG couldn't make it without my lip gloss- LOL!!), snacks, a nice snuggly wrap (turquoise of course for my baby boy), and my iPod which also happens to be my iPhone. Love my iPhone!!! I really don't know what I'd do without this thing-
"Hello my name is Natasha and I'm addicted to Apple products!"
LOL! I'm actually writing this blog post on my iPhone right now with BlogPress. If you've never tried this app you should check it out- pretty cool!
For this week's list in honor of the ridiculous jet setting I've been doing the last few weeks I thought I'd share what's in my iPod rotation right now. My current mix is called "Tash 2.0" named by my hubby- that's right I have my own mix people!! Aren't I special? So here's what is on the Tash 2.0 mix:
1. Time After Time- Javier Colon
From the first moment I heard Javier cover this song on The Voice I couldn't stop listening. It's such a great song anyway but his voice makes it even more amazing! You have to check out on The Voice if you haven't seen it before- very talented singers!
2. Moving Mountains- Usher
I love this song so much that I sing the whole thing at the top of my lungs whenever it comes on. This just tickles Nygel especially if we're in the car!! I can hit all the notes too- HA :) Since I'm on the plane right now I'm going to control myself!
3. Just Like That- R. Kelly
Now very often I think R. Kelly is over the top but this song is my absolute favorite of his- he did good on this one. He's basically telling the women he loves how it feels to love her.....comparing it to other amazing things- how sweet is that!?! "Ooooh if I could explain the joy I feel..." Ever heard it? Here are some of my favorite lines:
"Like like waterfalls coming down on me"
"Like a 99th anniversary"
"Like a baby when it speaks it's first words"
"Like an uplifting song the first time heard"
"Like a work of art when it's unveiled"
"Like the great blue skies on a summer day"
"Like sitting close in a small cafe"
"Like a secret told to the one you trust"
And my absolute favorite:
"Like kissing you in an all white tux"
"Wanna know his I feel- just like that...."
4. All of the Lights- Kanye West
Ever heard the introduction to this song? It's all instrumental and awesome! That intro is actually my ring tone because I love it so much. Kanye may be a little crazy sometimes but you can't deny his talent. The violins and horns on this song are amazing!!!
5. Breakeven- The Script
Nygel got me started with this one. Pretty cool song. My favorite line? "When the heart breaks no it don't break even" So true huh?
6. December- Olivia
So I have a confession.....I love crazy reality tv! My newest show is "Love and Hip Hop". Yes I know- ridiculous! But it makes me laugh so I'll take it! One of the ladies on the show is Olivia and she was actually an R&B artist before the show. She's making a come back now and this is her new song. I actually really like it! She's a pretty good singer- reality show and all!!
7. Turning Tables- Adele
Wow didn't know I would but I really love Adele! She has such a great voice! And the piano is fabulous! And she's beautiful!
8. Set Fire to the Rain- Adele
Again she's great! Favorite line- "I let it fall-- my heart and as it fell you rose to claim it." Sounds like me and someone I know :) The rest of the song however does not apply to us- lol!!
9. Loungin (Who Do You Love)- L.L. Cool J
Yep ladies still love cool James! This song is kinda old but it still ends up on all my mixes which cracks Nygel up. This is another one I sing out loud through the whole song!
10. Someone to Love Me (Naked)- Mary J. Blige & Diddy
Love Mary (since I did my first drill team march to Real Love a looooooooong time ago) and I love Diddy! This song has a great beat!
11. F**kin' Perfect (Perfect)- P!NK
I felt so bad typing that song title- lol! I guess it's not my title huh? But it is in the Tash 2.0 Mix so I had to share it :) I like it a lot! Favorite line- "Pretty pretty please- don't you ever ever feel- like you're less than....less than perfect.....you are perfect to me!" Love that!
12. Only Girl in the World- Rhianna
Some times you just gotta dance and sing and this song is perfect for that! Great club song! Like I ever go to the club anymore- lol!!! "On-ly girl in the world!!!"
13. Someone Like You- Adele
Yep love this one too!
14. Tore My Heart- Oona
Just realized that my description of this song was eaten by Blogger- boooooo! I first heard this song when it was used for a performance on So You Think You Can Dance done by my two favorite dancers that season- Ellenore and Jakob. Love them! I thought the dance and song were so cool so I had to get it for my mix! You can check out the video here if you'd like:
And by the way SYTYCD comes back for the next season on May 26th! Woohoo!!!!
15. Drowndeep: Hula- Maxwell
Love Maxwell! This is an older CD but one of my favorites. This song is awesome!
16. The Beautiful Ones- Mariah Carey
I like Mariah Carey a lot and this is one of my favorite songs ever. The original song was done by Prince who is awesome!!! But I love this version with Mariah and Dru Hill. "Do you want me? Cause I want----- YOUUUUUUUUUU!"
17. Kiss- Prince
I can't tell you how much I LOVE this song! I sing this one as well at the top of my lungs. I love Prince and my favorite part of this song is the last line....
"You don't have to be rich
To be my girl
You don't have to be cool
To rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your.......Kiss!!!"
18. Three Little Birds- Bob Marley
You guys know why I love this one :)
"Saying don't worry, about a thing. Cause every little thing is gonna be alright."
♥Aiden ♥ Nygel ♥ Love my two men!
19. Flaws and All- Beyonce
Beyonce is one of my favs and this song describes love so well and it reminds me of Nygel and I. I love that he loves me no matter what. I have such a great husband!
"I don't know why you love me.....and that's why I love you....catch me when I fall....
accept me flaws and all....and that's why I love you."
20. Hello- Beyonce
Had to end with Beyonce too :) Love this song- it's my ring tone for Nygel. He had me at hello for sure!
"Don't fly me away, Don't need to buy a diamond key to unlock my heart,
You shelter my soul, you're my fire when I'm cold,
I want you to know...........You had me at hello"
Like my Tash 2.0 Mix? Want to have a copy for yourself? Leave me a comment here and tell me 3 songs (or more if you'd like) in your current mix. I'll send you a copy of mine to jam along to if you win! I'll announce the winner next Saturday! Hope you all have a fabulous weekend! Love you all!!!
Hey everyone! *Waving hi* I just have to say thank you so much for all your sweet words on my post the other day. I was really struggling that day and as always you guys lifted me up with your love and care. So thank you again......you all mean the world to me! Thank goodness I'm doing a little better today :) I know my little Aiden is staying close to me as well.
I wanted to post really quickly in between my meetings about my surprise with Tiffanythat I mentioned the other day! In case you haven't heard the big news-------Tiffany is joining me as the second Online Community Organizer for Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope! That's right people! You get two of us for the price of one! HA! I am soooooooooooo excited about this!!! I asked Kristin if I could have someone help me with the online projects for you guys and not only did she say yes BUT she also let me have someone I admire and love to fill the spot- my Tiffany!
So we are partners in crime now- T & T! LOL!!! Tiffany and I have so many good things in store for the online BLM community and we can't wait to share it with you all! If you have anything special you want to see us do for you please shoot an e-mail to me at Natasha@facesofloss.com.
Stay tuned for our next online community event.........you are gonna LOVE it!!!!!!
I cried today.....I haven't done that in a while {awhile referring to a few days}.
I remember the last time I cried. It was the night before the March of Dimes Walk. I went to Aiden's room and looked around at his things. I picked up his pictures and cried for what I didn't have...for what I'd never have. That's how Nygel and Cami found me....broken....in the beautiful rocking chair we bought for my little guy. Nygel helped me get to the room and I broke down in the bed again and cried for a long long time. He sat with me until I fell asleep. It was a rough night.
I cried today.....I had to talk about my Aiden and what happened that horrible day in November. I had to talk about how I had a perfect pregnancy.....an awesome amazing baby.....3 weeks left before I was to meet him. And then in the blink of an eye my little man was gone. Forever. And I was broken.....so super broken. And today I had to talk about it......and I cried.
I miss him so much. I long for all the things we planned for him. All the things that I think of as I go about my daily activities.
When I go in the bathroom by his room I picture myself bent over the tub giving him a bath or the cute little white step I wanted to get to put in front of the sink when he was old enough to brush his teeth.
When I go in my guest room I picture my mom there hanging out on the bed with Aiden- taking care of him while we went to work. Laughing and talking and spoiling him like crazy.
When I look at his garden I picture my 6 month old laying on a blanket in the garden while the rest of us worked on the yard. And then I see myself giving up on the yard work (as I so often do) and laying on the blanket with him. And snuggling......
When I go into my kitchen I picture Aiden in his bouncer watching me cook dinner. I picture the baby food maker I had planned to purchase and all the meals I had planned out for him- sweet potatoes and pears, fresh green beans, and apple sauce. I had have so many recipes!
When I go into my bedroom and I look at our bed I always picture Aiden in the middle of my down comforter. I picture him looking so comfortable wedged between his Daddy and I as Nygel watches basketball and I read a book. Happily playing with his feet or a toy. I long for him to be in our bed instead of on the side of our bed in his urn. It breaks my heart every time......
I long for what I think is his smell. I often go in his closet and smell all the clothes I had washed and ready for him. I wish it were him I was smelling instead. I wish I could feel those soft fingers and toes. I long to kiss his feet and the rolls of fat on his arms and legs. I wish I could hold my baby........
I cried today......I haven't done that in a while. I cried because I miss my son. No matter what I do I can't ever have him here with me. No matter how many good things happen to us it doesn't outweigh the horrible reality that my son is gone. And no matter how I try to put on a happy face and no matter how many times I really am actually happy......I am still so super broken about losing my precious Aiden.......
It's that time again! I am so glad that we've made it to another Saturday and I can't wait to read what has made you happy this week!!!! After my post yesterday I definitely am in need of a Happy List! So here's my list for the week :)
♥ Got to talk to my sweet awesome friend Tiffany last night for the first time IRL and guess what??? I love her even more now! She's fabulous!!! And we've got some exciting news coming soon so stay tuned!!!
♥ Traveling- love it! And right now I'm visiting a pretty cool place- Boston! Had some excellent crab legs last night- yum!
♥ Nygel- I swear every time I think I couldn't be going more crazy this man is there to calm me down and help me be me again. Love you babe!
♥ God's plan for me- He keeps blessing me and I am so very grateful that He loves me and continues to hold me in His arms through everything. I am also so thankful that He has given me clarity and truth in so many aspects of my life. I know so much more now than I did before and I recognize the things that God needed me to see and believe. And for that I am grateful......helps me keep my life simple and stress-free......
♥ Decorating journals!! I didn't want to post these pics before Fran but I just had the best time helping her decorate all the journal for Jenna's Journal Drive. I was THRILLED beyond belief to write so many of your precious angel's names in the the journals you donated. Little Juju had my hand cramping and little Addie was close to it-Lol! BUT I loved writing all their names over and over again for you! So glad I got to share in this special activity.
♥ Aiden- I am so very thankful for my precious little angel. I swear that little boy is with me always! Look what I saw in my hotel last night!
As my other friend Tiffany would say....a wink! Definitely a wink from my little man. What a cool dragonfly right? He is awesome and he has sent me so many special things....... He always knows when his mama needs him! Love you little man!
♥ Purging.......of negative things and people......it's good for the mind and soul and I'm doing quite a bit of that right now. It feels like a weight off my shoulders--- and the relief of that makes me happy......
♥ Mother's Day- although it's definitely bittersweet for me am I am so very thankful to Aiden that he made me a mommy......such a precious gift!
Love you guys and I hope this Mother's Day weekend is easy on you.....
You know I try really really hard to be positive about life despite everything I've been through in the last 2 years. I am always an open book, I try to be giving, and just a good person in general. I'm not always and in no way am I perfect- but I try to be the best person I can be.
How many of you love the movie Pretty Woman? Me, me, me!!! *Jumping up and down and waving my hand around like a crazy woman!* Julia Roberts is my favorite actress!!!! This is one of my favorite quotes from the movie:
Edward: "I was very angry with him. It cost me ten thousand dollars in therapy to say that sentence: I was very angry him. I do it very well, don't I? I'll say it again: I was very angry with him. Hello, my name is Mr. Lewis, I am very angry with my father."
Vivian: "I would've been angry at the ten thousand dollars."
~Pretty Woman
And I can say it too----
"I am very angry. Hello my name is Natasha and I am very angry right now."
For those of you who know me IRL or who "know" me from my blog you know that I don't get angry very easily. But when I do it's usually because something is so bad it just really pushed me over the top. Right now I am so worn out and tired this morning from the emotional toll of dealing with hateful people on facebook and friends who just don't understand where I'm coming from. It freaking sucks. And I'm tired of explaining myself.
So I guess I need to say this too---
"I am very sad right now. Hello my name is Natasha and it breaks my heart that people can be so cruel and not understanding and I am very sad right now."
I have promised Nygel that I will NOT stress about this stuff so I'm putting it out here and then I'm done. I just ask that you all keep me in your prayers so I can remain calm and peaceful and not turn into some psycho crazy woman.
Yep that's right- little ole Natasha could be a psycho crazy woman! Ok now I'm making myself laugh at that image- tehehe! So maybe I'm not so angry anymore.....literally laughing out loud at the image of myself as a crazy Jason-like character with a knife and some crazy music! LOL!
Thank you God for always bringing me back when I'm down!
Hey everyone! First I have to say thank you so much to everyone who has thought of me and sent well wishes my way! I am definitely starting to feel better after several trips to the doctor and a few days of rest :) I feel so bad for falling behind on everything but I know you all understand......thank you for being so fabulous!!!
Next I have to say thank you to a truly amazing baby loss mama- Shaina over at Rows for Remembrance. Let me just say that God truly blessed my life with Shaina. She reached out to me several months back when I was fresh in the depths of my grief. So sweet, so caring........she asked if she could make a blanket for me to remember Aiden by. I cried. I couldn't believe someone could be so giving. I was new to the blogging community and just taken back at how generous she was considering she really didn't even know me. Of course I told her I would LOVE for her to make a blanket for me.
The idea behind Rows for Remembrance is simple- Shaina's ministry is set up to help families remember their little angels and have something tangible to hold in their arms. If you have not heard of this ministry before please take a moment to visit her page or you can read about it in my post from a few months back.
I just wanted to share the amazing blanket that Shaina created for my little Aiden......it is perfect.
It's amazing isn't it? I LOVE it!!! I cannot tell you how soft and sweet this blanket is. The first night I got it I carried it around on my shoulder the whole evening but then I had my mom put it away in Aiden's room because I didn't want it to get dirty. Well a few weeks after that the blanket moved from Aiden's room and into my bed. I sleep with it every night and it truly comforts me when I am struggling........didn't I tell you God blessed me with Shaina! This blanket has been a source of strength for me when I didn't have any strength left. I can feel the love that was used to make it....I can feel the tears Shaina cried as she knit this blanket for Aiden and for me.......I can feel God all through this awesome blanket. Thank you so much Shaina- you have truly blessed my life!!!
My last thank you for this morning is for another fabulous BLM who I'm sure you all know and love......Kristin who is mama to Stevie Joy- LOVE her name! Kristin has given me an amazing opportunity! As you all know she founded Faces of Loss Faces of Hope after losing her precious baby girl Stevie. Faces does so much for the baby loss community but most important it lets other moms and dads know they are not alone. I know I felt so alone outside of Nygel and my immediate family when we lost Aiden. I didn't know how to interact with people anymore. I felt like no one "got it". And then I met you all!!! And I found Faces! And I realized I was not alone and there were people that understood where I was coming from.
When I first found out about FOLFOH I was amazed! And I wanted to help! I wanted to be there for other moms the way so many others had been (and still are) there for me. And Kristin was so fabulous to let me!!!! She has given me the great honor of serving as the Online Community Organizer and the Hope Stories Coordinator for the Faces of Loss community. I can't tell you how excited I am! *Doing a happy dance*
We've already got some great events planned so please check out our community pageto see all the exciting things we have going on right now! And if you have any questions regarding our FOLFOH events or suggestions for new events please feel free to e-mail me at natasha@facesofloss.com. Again thank you so much Kristin for this opportunity! You are amazing and so inspiring......I hope I can do you proud!
Again I am so thankful for you all.....thank you for sharing this journey with me......I couldn't do it without you!
I just want to wish all those fabulous BLMs out there a happy Babylost Mother's Day. We will never forget our little ones and we know that we are forever mamas! I'm wishing you much peace and strength today.
To celebrate Nygel and I waked with Team Kelsey in the March of Dimes Walk for Babies here in Houston. I can't tell you how in awe I was of all the people out there walking for healthy babies! It was AH-MA-ZING!!!! The day was beautiful and it was great walking around the University of Houston campus. Along the way we got lots of water, fans, and Blue Bell Ice Cream.....ummmmmm!!!!
We are so happy that we were able to have this special butterfly placed in the Butterfly Memorial Garden for my precious baby boy! Isn't it cute!!!! Love Nygel in the garden with Aiden's butterfly!!!
I got to do the walk with some very special people including Nygel, John, Val, and lots of co-workers. We had such a good time and we're already planning for next year. The t-shirts are going to be fabulous!!!!! Can't wait!
After the walk we had lunch at BJ's- LOVE! We were so tired but managed to eat some good stuff! Clearly I was most interested in photographing the wings and dessert!!!! Yum!
Anyway, I'm exhausted so I'm about to go to bed :( Thank you everyone for your kind words and well wishes. I'm feeling better- not 100 percent but better. I so appreciate you keeping me in your prayers. I thank God all the time for placing so many wonderful women in my life.
Thank you Aiden for making me a mom........thank you for letting me love you........thank you for being the most amazing baby ever.........thank you for being my son. I love you baby boy, forever and always!
I'd love to hear from you! 
