3 Months Today

Wow.....3 months ago I delivered my precious baby boy- stillborn. I can't believe that much time has passed already. It's crazy how time seems to have stood still over the last 3 months. You ever feel like that? Like you're frozen in time and everything else is moving around you? I think it's like that for people who experience baby loss. My husband describes the same feeling to me when talking about the time immediately following Aiden's death.

A really sweet BLM told me that after she lost her twin baby girls her father described her as being in a fog. And slowly pieces of her began to emerge from the fog. Little pieces of herself....but changed. That's how I feel- I'm slowly coming back but I'm changed....forever. Thank you so much Sarah for sharing that with me :)

I miss Aiden so much. I think that even though I'm getting better I will still have bad days for awhile and I'm ok with that. I may still have bad days 30 years from now. I'll never be completely over losing my son...how could I be? But slowly I think the waves of sadness will come less frequently and the new me- the stronger me- will continue to survive.

Aiden,

If only I could hold you in my arms one last time. I wish I could hug you and kiss you. I wish I could whisper in your ear how much I love you. I pray that you know you are forever in my heart. I can't wait to dance with you in my dreams again soon! I love you my sweet miracle angel baby.....forever and ever.

Love,

Mommy

I also want to take a moment to tell my fabulous mom happy birthday! Thank you Mummy for ALWAYS being there for me. We would not have made it through the last 3 months without you. I love you! You have made me who I am today and I'm proud to be your daughter.